I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
