we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
