The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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