Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
