My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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