i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
