he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
two words...techno handjob
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
