call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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