You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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