K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
