Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
