i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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