Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
