I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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