Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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