I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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