New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
