NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
