I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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