I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
