Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
