kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
