if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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