Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
