Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
