Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She told me I should be a condom model.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
