4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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