from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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