If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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