I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
