sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think people are normalizing furries
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize