Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
