She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
