Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
