I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
