Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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