I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
