and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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