yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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