he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
