I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
