he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
