just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bring me that man meat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
