I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
