There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
