I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
