i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
