He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
