I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
PANTIES FOUND
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
