remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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