hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
