I just cut my nipple shaving
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
BRING THE BAGELS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
