It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
