walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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