his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
