need another drink. this is the easiest way
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
